Did I ever complain about something as insignificant as laundry? Did I really waste hours and hours doing nothing? Have I neglected the people I love? Have I neglected to tell them I love them - all of them? Did I ever really begrudge that all life's moments weren't absolutely brimming with euphoria? How did I miss that even the mundane things are a blessing? Even surviving the very worst is an inconceivable, precious blessing.
My cousin-in-law was shot and killed yesterday by her psychotic husband. She was 30, a year younger than me. She had two very young boys. Recently we'd had a long phone conversation about how she was pursuing a divorce because she'd just discovered her husband was having an affair. Last week I thought about calling to check on her again. I thought about it several times. I didn't get around to it.
Kristy was lively and beautiful and bossy and funny and flat-out honest and comfortable with herself. She sang beautifully and often. And right now my heart is breaking for the selfish misery that I won't see her again for I don't know how long, but I know she is still all of those things. And I know she is still singing, up there in heaven. It doesn't matter that there are legions of heavenly choirs; somewhere in some congregation, Kristy has arranged her first post-mortal musical solo and she isn't even nervous.
I sob thinking of her boys and the energy they will miss - the force that was their mother. And I sob thinking of Aunt Annie, who was present at the shooting. But somehow we'll all get through this temporary and tragic separation, and I'm thinking that maybe Kristy already knows that. Maybe better than we do. I still can't help sobbing though.
I'm going to miss you, Kristy.
2 comments:
Dear Cheryl,
Thanks for your thoughtful post. I didn't know that Dave was having an affair. I always knew that he was distant and that Kristy longed for adult companionship. I always sensed that Kristy was unhappy with her marriage by the comments she would make while sitting around on the front step. I remember I would be out front in my yard and I would see Dave come home and then 20 minutes later he would be off again for the night. I always thought that this would lead to a separation. This is just another unfortunate set of circumstances that Kristy had to deal with, that's too bad.
The perplexing thing that further confuses the issue for me is if he was having an affair then why not simply walk away? I mean if a person is out sleeping around then obviously he wasn't happy in the marriage, why would you want to stay around.
The more I think about this the more I think it simply comes down to the age old issue of control. In the pre-mortal world we fought a war over this very issue. The more I learn about life and people living in this world the more I understand how important it is to understand this concept. We can either try and influence people with patience and long suffering (Christ's Plan) or we can influence them by exerting dominance through pain and fear (Satan's plan).
Understanding that Dave was having an affair helps me to understand a tiny bit better what would have been going on within him. Once the light of Christ (conscious) starts to fade an individuals soul starts to be filled with something that isn't good, throw in the influence of drugs and we can better understand what would lead a person down this path. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Jon
Cheryl, that was beautifully written! I didn't know her, but I ache for you and those that will miss her. She sounds amazing.
love you,
Carla
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